What I’m afraid before this becomes a reality…. Yeah such a pathetic life I have… my doubt was right… but I adore his honesty… at least he being honest towards me… at least he spoke out the truth… but im hurting so bad…. I should take this professionally…. But I’m not… instead, I cry, cursing all day long…cry again n again…. Cursing him over and over….. Why all of this got to happened to me?… this is pathetic… I really meant it… what the fuck….see? I’m cursing again.
I call out my ex seeking for advice… I guess he just don’t hell care about me anymore… but I don’t know what decision to be made… I’m insanely in love… and he was there…. but this morning, he spilled out the truth… the secrete he’s being holding… I’m freaking shock… but you know what, deep down inside me, I knew the secrete… I just want him to said it to me… and he did…
He knew its gonna break my heart… it turns that this relationship cannot be stop… I know it is wrong.. but I love this guy…but it is wrong… I never am being in this kind of relationship before… I don’t want to… damn it…. Now I totally found guys as sucker…damn ass… babi…
What the hell. But he said he loves me? Liar… is he a liar? No, I know he is not… I know he loves me… I know.. it is deep down in my heart. And I love him too.. this is wrong. It should be stop here and now.but y…. but y he said that he is sincerely in love with me? Why?
Why afaf why?i don’t know… I am all messed up….seriously… I cant do this anymore… final exam is just around the corner… assignment, the stupid MIP and web page design… OMG… I hope this is not crossing my limit… I don’t want to be a bad girl anymore… if u ask me if I love this guy or not, yes, I love him… if u ask me if I want to be with him again or leave him, I cant answer that… I am so damnly uncertain…
I mean, I am totally different with him….what the hell…why is this stuff happen to me such at this moment? Last semester, it is about me and my ex fighting and ended up our 3 years relationship, and now…. And now by the end of this semester, again im in a conflict of a relationship…
What am I thinking about… seriously.. why am I smoking nowadays… why…..now I felt so lonely… it such an empty slot in my heart… what I felt right now??? I don’t know… I felt empty!EMPTY.. I hate empty… empty meant loneliness… empty mean sadness, empty meant confusion…empty suck men….
What should I do? I don’t know… Ya ALLAH…. Show me the way.. please….show me the way… I love this guy and he loves me… but he is……………………………………………………………………. So guide me… I don’t want to ruined his life… and I don’t want to get off track….
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