I guess I’m not ready

May be that the best excuses rather than I don’t date my friends. I mean, come on… we’ve been friends, why want to devastate something nice like this. I like to be your friends, and now you have feeling for me??? OMG… I mean I know how it felt but I guess I am not ready… it is not your fault at all. You have been so nice to me. It is not about you.. you are just fine… when I kept saying I want someone who is fucking handsome and rich, it does not meant that you are not handsome.. and it is not definitely meant that I am a GOLD DIGGER or materialistic types of women.. although I think that I’ve got the point out there… sape xnak kahwin ngan laki hensem n kaya rite? BUT the important criterion is that he must be a MUSLIM, and he loves me because of ALLAH… and it hard to find that kind of person.
Yes you might be him, but I don’t date friends anymore… I mean look what happen between me and my ex.. we used to be good friend. But when we broke up, there is nothing left.. I don’t want to ruin our friendship.
I guess I’m not ready…. I hope you do understand. I like you I do.. but not more than just a friends… perhaps you are my exception, but inside my heart, I guess its better for us to be FRIEND.. im so sorry. I do love you friend… you always be there when I need you.. and thanks a lot. I promise that I’ll be there too when you need me because I am your friend rite?
If you do read this, please do contact me back… it is fun when you are here.. why ruin such a good thing right?? And I am so sorry… let just time take us there if there is something between us… but for now, let’s stay as a friend….
MISS YOU BUDDY….

IM A HEARTBREAKER???

Gile ape… dah la gemuk.. pendek.. peha besaq lak tu… huduh ja pun…. Hahaha.. sapa la nak.. rupanya ada gak.. Alhamdulillah… market baguih lagi ni.. hahaha… btw, ada orang cakap aku ni heart breaker? Ye ke? No, I mean, I’ve been explicitly in expressing my feeling because I don’t want to hurt others by saying why not, I accept you, lets being a couple…memang tu bukan aku… aku tak kan cakap benda yang aku tak rasa… if I felt there is no connection I will say what I felt.. I am not a pretender or a denial towards my own heart….
Salah ke? Then kenapa cakap that I am a heart breaker? Aku bukan memilih, tapi sampai masa kalau betul dia tu jodoh aku, mesti there is some connection and attraction inside me yg akan cakap I do love this person… right?
Kadang2 aku pun takut, bila aku menolak cinta mereka ni, nanti x ke karma tu akan berulang? Tapi aku cakap benda yang betul..kan? for instance, the Mejar tu, he was just perfect to me, he can provide me with everything, he nice and just fine… but then, there is then no connection, no feeling except being friends….
Sometimes aku wonder, adakah sebab aku tolak perasaan orang lain membuatkan aku xjumpa pun jodoh aku tu…..mana dia?

Hari ni aku…..

Hari ni aku naik train, then aku terpandang satu perempuan ni, so nice.. cantik bertudung litup.. dia duduk disebelah aku… dia membuatkan aku terfikir aku yang dulu….
Dulu aku pun bertudung litup… aku obey what GOD has written in the QORAN.. aku dibesarkan dalam keluarga yang sempurna praktikal agamanya… hijabku menutupi semua auratku.
Tapi tak lama kemudian, aku berubah, aku mengenali cinta… cinta antara adam dan hawa… since that I am totally change… aku mungkin bertudung, tapi hanya untuk ke kelas… adakah aku nak reform satu identity baru? Ntah… aku pun tak faham.
Up until now…. Tapi niat, niat aku bertudung ke kelas adalah kerana itu salah satu tuntutan menuntut ilmu…. Aku bertudung di hadapan kedua ibu bapa ku… atas niat aku menjaga hati mereka… tapi bukankah niat aku kadang2 bercampur aduk dengan hasutan syaitan?
Terpandang akan perempuan berhijab ini menimbulkan persoalan atas sikap aku selama ini….. mana aku yang dahulu???? Siapa aku sekarang? Cinta apa yang aku cari? Kejayaan apa yang aku kejar? Siapa aku? Apa niat ku?
Maka dengan itu, terdetik dihati untuk berubah…. Aku ingin berubah………..

So damn sexy

Hehe… hari ni Berjaya download gambar cik KJK dari blog beliau… and above is his most handsome picture I guess.. why is he so handsome????
Aku dah captivated by his handsome and charming looking.. even dia marah pun dia Nampak sangatlah sweet.. dengan 2 anak dia gary and haroro.. hehe.. hensemlah beliau nie.. what else can I said. Dia memang sangat hensem kowt..
Sekarang ni hari2 mesti tgk dia….. KJK I do falling in love with you. Although you are older than me… like 14 years older than me, but damn it.. I do fall for you. With your 2 kids.. haha… u r the most charming and coolest dad ever!!!!
If only we can meet one day.. I want to let you know that I do like you and love you the most….

Saranghae

Oh.. I am totally in love… rase cam gile lak.. ntah lah..mungkin ni impact dari break up. Tapi ntah la. The feeling is so strong.. KJK why why why you are so handsome and sweet.. even bile dia sangat tegas dengan 2 anak2 dia, dia Nampak sangat comel..  love KJK forever… I love him so much now…above is another picture yang diambil dari blog beliau lagi 

KJK

Okey now you guys can said that I am totally insane and out of my mind consciously, because now I can’t stop thinking about KJK…. So I start singing OMG song from usher.. this guy really hits me on the first sight because he is sexy from a head to toe… he even make me cry although im not so grown up.. but now he makes me wanna date an older guy nowadays…
Sumpah aku dah kemaruk dengan mamat KJK nie. Gile kot!!! Previously, I am not this kind of girl yang fall in love dengan lelaki yg sgt tua, but now, he got the quality with his 2 sons… it just make him more interesting… 

Just fuck up what I have said

I do thought you are my exception. For the reason that I could ever smile again.. but things change.. you have changed.. its like I never know who are you anymore.. and now I hate you even more…
It hurts even deeper when you ignoring me and cursing me for the reason that I only care about you.
Just fuck what I have said before.. I don’t meant it now.. fuck you asshole.. u r not my exception…. You will never be my exception.
Yes I guess I am better off alone…take whatever you want from me then just leave…I mother fucking hates you.