SESUNGGUHNYA KEMUDAHAN ITU DATANG SESUDAH KESULITAN

13 syaaban 1431
17.32 p.m

Firman Allah S.W.T dalam surah Al-Insyirah ayat 5-6 “ Sesungguhnya sesudah kesulitan itu pasti ada kesenangan. Sesudah kesulitan itu pasti ada kesenangan.” Aku yakin, segala kesulitan, kepayahan dan kesedihan ini, pasti satu hari nanti akan Allah gantikan dengan kebahagiaan yang aku cari.
Oleh kerana itu aku tidak mahu lagi bersedih. Air mata ini hanya ku alirkan dalam setiap doa-doa ku pada yang Esa. Kini aku sedar, aku tidak lagi bersendirian, Bukankah Allah itu Maha Mendengar lagi Maha Memahami. Aku yakin Dia mendengarkan isi hati yang ingin kembali sujud dan menghambakan sepenuh hati ini pada Dia.
Kadang kala aku putus asa akan doa-doaku. Namun aku mengetahui pertolongan yang Maha Esa itu sangat hampir dengan diriku. Jadi untuk apa aku harus meminta-minta pada manusia, sedangkan dia juga milik Allah. Allah Maha Penyayang kepada hamba-hambaNya. Bukankah sebagai hamba aku harus bersabar dan yakin. Kerana itulah kunci kepada kebahagiaan ku. Allah pasti akan makbulkan doaku. Insyaallah. Sebagai hamba aku tidak seharusnya berputus asa dengan doaku itu.
Aku berharap disebalik kesulitan ini, Allah akan kurniakan aku kebahagiaan itu. Pasti…janji Allah itu pasti. Aku redha dengan ketentuan Allah. Aku redha.Sesungguhnya aku milik Yang Maha Esa itu. Aku tiada daya dan tiada upaya tanpa pertolongan daripadanya. Dengan kesedihan ini aku menemui diriku makin rapat dengan Penciptaku. Malah tatkala aku bersedih, aku makin kerap bersujud kepadaNYa. Kerana hanya dengan mengingati dia, maka tenanglah hati yang sebelumnya berkecamuk.
Aku temukan satu kebaikkan disebalik jerih payah yang aku terpaksa hadapi, iaitu mendekati Allah S.W.T. mungkin sebelum ini aku jauh dariNya. Aku hanya memikirkan kebahagiaan duniawi. Tapi ternyata kebahgiaan yang aku cari itu mati ditengah jalan. Allah memberi peringatan kepada hambaNya dalam berbagai bentuk.
Hatiku diruntun pilu mengenangkan segala dosa yang telah aku lakukan. Aku merasa begitu sedih dan pedih, mengenangkan dosa silamku. Begitu hinanya diriku ini disisi Dia Yang Maha Suci lagi Maha Mulia. Ku pohon keampunan daripada Nya. Menyesali sikapku yang melupakan Dia diwaktu kesenangan ku. Kerana saat dan waktu aku bersedih ini Dia, tidak pernah melupakan ku.
Aku memohon keampunan atas setiap dosaku. Mengharapkan Yang Esa itu selamatkan aku dari siksanya Azab kubur itu. Aku mohon agar Allah S.W.T akan selamatkan aku dari siksanya azab api neraka yang panas. Aku sedar aku tidak layak untuk ,melangkah walaupun seinci ke syurga Allah, namun aku tidak pula sanggup sama sekali untuk menghampiri neraka jahanam itu.
Ku pohon ampunan Mu ya Allah. Semoga Allah mudahkan bagiku untuk berubah. Untuk mengenali diriNya. Untuk terus taat akan perintahNya. Semoga petunjuk Allah ini akan membawa ku kejalan kebenaran dan ke jalan kebahagiaan yang aku cari selama ini. Maha Suci Allah yang didalam genggamaNya lah aku berlindung dari sebarang kejahatan.
Ya Allah, jika ini jalan yang engkau redhai maka bawalah aku, pimpinlah aku, ingatkan lah aku DUNIA itu hanya persinggahan ku. Janganlah Kau pesongkan hati ku ini Ya Allah. Kuatkanlah IMAN ku.. ampunkan aku atas segala dosa ku. Maha Suci Allah yang Maha Pengampun, Maha Penyayang, dan Maha Pemurah.

Thanks to Allah

13 syaaban 1431
14.39 p.m

Syukur Alhamdulillah atas segala nikmat yang Allah S.W.T kurniaakan, aku kini lebih kuat. Kuat dalam menerima qada’ dan qadar Allah. Sudah lama rasanya tidak mencoret luahan hati ini dan berkongsi. Kali ini akan ku tulis semuanya sebelum aku publish dalam blog.
Beberapa bulan ini berbagai masalah yang aku tempuhi. Allah duga dengan hilangnya sebuah cinta yang sangat aku hargai dalam hidup aku. Lantas kerana itu aku bersedih dan tidak dapat menerima realiti. Semua keputusaan aku menemui kebuntuaan. Makin aku yakin akan sesuatu, makin hilang segalanya dari aku.
Dan aku terus bersedih, mempersoalkan akan nasib diriku. Kesedihan mengheret aku ke dunia yang sangat gelap. Dunia yang hanya ada kesakitan, kepedihan, kesedihan. Dunia yang meruntun jiwa aku. Mempersalahkan setiap tindak tandukku. Mempersalahkan dia kerana meninggalkan aku.
Tetapi, Alhamdulillah, Allah buka pintu hati ini untuk mencari punca semua ini terjadi. Semuanya bermula apabila tergerak hati ini membaca buku penulisan Dr. ‘Aidh bin Abdullah Al-Qarni. Jangan bersedih, jadilah wanita yang paling bahagia. Sepanjang aku membaca buku itu aku sedar, bahagia yang aku cari itu adalah dengan mencintai Allah. Membaca kisah-kisah para nabi dan Rasul yang lebih besar dugaannya dari apa yang Allah dugakan kepadaku, menyebabkan aku sedar, cinta dunia hanya sementara.
Harapan ku, moga pintu Syaaban ini akan member makna dan jalan kepada perubahan diriku. Aku ingin lebih dekat dengan Allah. Aku mencari Allah dalam hidupku. Aku ingin bahagia. Ku menanti kedatangan Ramadhan itu. Menanti dengan penuh kesabaran dan tawaduk. Aku ingin menjaga kehormatan diriku. Aku adalah aku.
Semoga pintu syaaban in menjadi titik permulaan, dan semoga ramadhan lebih manis bagi hidupku. Syukurku kepada Allah atas segala nikmat ini….

it has been a while

things happen too fast like i cannot do anything but watch myself caught in the middle...bieng cheated, left alone hurt....committed sins....and not being loved by the person who used to love you much....is hurt.....but i try...try to fix every single thing.coz i don want to be a loser........im not a loser. i hate him... he lie again n again..he hurt me so damn badly... i have no tears to cry...and yes.. it is all my fault...but one day....i want to see him and meet him...juz the 2 of us....i want let him know how much i hate him.....for ruining my life....for not loving me like i do...for betraying me......for let me go through this pain alone....i promise i will never cry..but im not strong to do that.....n yes i hate you..i hate you for screw my life...u give me hope n u take it away....if u read this...i hate you...damn it...i hate you.....

unfair....

first you get the hopes after you being left hanging by a thread...
after you try so hard to catch it,
now it slip away...
just because don't want to get hurt... he hurt me more..
that is not fair....
why...why...why..
why all my prayer and wish are not coming true???
i hate this feeling..
it creeping inside me... and painful...
hurt... i am so damn hurt....
if only i can change the situation

fun time....no more pain..no more hurt...no more crying

hapa hapa ntah masa nih...but really enjoy it.....tak sangka dancing was great.. i kind of love it now...
DRAMA??? tak sangka lak boleh ada passion lastly....yes..very interesting..we won't know until you yourself try it... well this is just a part of our first training... masih ada lagi 1 kali training...anyway the training was held by AD Park Avenue USJ...what a great place.. i thought he is must be a rich guy to have own a place there..
in front of out stuio ada kolam renang, then ada playground... beside the studio is the gym..and belakand studio ada surau...x explore much lagipun...thot to do so this coming saturday..hehehehehe..
well i'll be uploading our full version for the drama opening theater next week... hope you guys enjoy laughing when see this stupid dancing and what not...hahahahaha.... enjoy it ok???

my own feeling that i have come to realize

I Never Needed You To Be Strong
I Never Needed You For Pointing Out My Wrongs
I Never Needed Pain, I Never Needed Strain
My Love For You Was Strong Enough You Should Have Known

I Never Needed You For Judgement
I Never Needed You To Question What I Spent
I Never Ask For Help, I Take Care Of Myself,
I Don't Know Why You Think You've Got A Hold On Me

And it's A Little Late For Conversations
There Isn't Anything For You To Say
And My Eye's Hurt, Hand's Shiver,
So Look At Me And Listen To Me Because

I don't Want Too, Stay Another Minute
I don't Want You, To Say A Single Word
Hush, Hush, Hush, Hush
There Is No Other Way, I Get The Final Say Because,
I don't Want Too, Do This Any Longer
I don't Want You, There's Nothing Left To Say
Hush, Hush, Hush, Hush
I've Already Spoken, Our Love Is Broken
Baby Hush, Hush

I Never Needed Your Corrections
On Everything From How I Act To What I Say
I Never Needed Words
I Never Needed Hurts
I Never Needed You To Be There Everyday

I'm Sorry For The Way I Let Go
From Everything I Wanted When You Came Along
But I'm Never Beaten, Broken not Defeated
I Know Next To You Is Not Where I Belong

And it's A Little Late For Explanations
There Isn't Anything That You Can Do
And My Eye's Hurt, Hand's Shiver,
So You Will Listen When I Say

I don't Want Too, Stay Another Minute
I don't Want You, To Say A Single Word
Hush, Hush, Hush, Hush
There Is No Other Way, I Get The Final Say Because,
I don't Want Too, Do This Any Longer
I don't Want You, There's Nothing Left To Say
Hush, Hush, Hush, Hush
I've Already Spoken, Our Love Is Broken
Baby Hush, Hush

No More Words, No More Lies, No More Crying
No More Pain, No More Hurt, No More Trying

Yeaaaaahh
Because
I don't Want Too, Stay Another Minute
I don't Want You, To Say A Single Word
Hush, Hush, Hush, Hush
There Is No Other Way, I Get The Final Say Because,
I don't Want Too, Do This Any Longer
I don't Want You, There's Nothing Left To Say
Hush, Hush, Hush, Hush
I've Already Spoken, Our Love Is Broken
Baby Hush, Hush

Yeaaaaah (Hush, Hush, Hush, Hush)

I've Already Spoken, Our Love Is Broken
Baby

what would you do if .....................

if you know your day is just around the corner and you will be finally return to God??? what whould you do if you dont have much time to tell the person you love that you love him and never want him to hurt you??? what would you do if you keep on hurting but your time is just passed by and you run out of it??? what would you do when just you and yourself know the exact situation and the possibility outcome????what would you do if you are in the situation?
ME???
if the only time i have is running out, i would like to seek forgiveness from ALLAH for all my sins, seek forgiveness from both of my parents, seek forgiveness from my siblings and family, seek forgiveness from my friends, and from him, for all sins and mistakes i've made.
WHAT WOULD I DO???
i pray hard for the happiness of my beloved ones, as i can't be there to cherish them. i pray hard for my own happiness for the little moment i have.although it is hurting me so damn badly.
WHAT WOULD I DO.....
i will give all my love as long as i can...i will love all my beloved ones with all my heart..i would like to give them as much love because i don't want them to forget me. and i want them to feel my love...
WHAT WOULD I WANT????
i just want people that i love happy and never cry or sad because of me....i would want to feel the love from everyone...although i might get hurt of getting his love..but thats what i want if the day is just around the corner.
WHAT I WANT......
i want to feel the happiness and to embrace all the precious moment of my life.
to wipe all the tears and to be able to achieve what i want before the day comes to me.. to be able to let him know how much is this love for him.and not to regret my mistakes...as long as i can be together with him, i think there is nothing to be regret about.
WHAT WOULD I WISH?????
i wish for God to extend the time longer, i wish that people surrounding me realise the painful side of my bright smile, i wish people realise my love towards them, i wish people would forgive my mistakes and give another chance to love me, and i wish for the happiness...yes the happines...
WHAT WOULD I DO IF THE TIME IS JUST AROUND THE CORNER???
i will seek for my happiness before i regret it..
i will seek for the love...